GMA & FGM: Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

So the secret’s out. Not that it was very well-kept to begin with anyways.

The Arroyos are backing Manny Villar. This isn’t very different from a couple of days ago when Ricky Martin announced he was/is gay. I will pretend to act surprised. I will pretend that this is excitingly new and fresh water cooler conversation.

This late in the campaign game, when the wheels are already turning and the gears have been put in their right places, the Trojan horses and the moles have started to skittle out and break out of the woodwork... of course, the stink and steam have been leaking off the loosely placed lid of the Arroyo/Villar campaign for far too long. It sort of smells like a “dagat ng basura,” so to speak. I’d even like to think that supposed administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro is so damn likable that some people are just hoping that the Villar/Arroyo joint venture could be untrue for his sake.

I mean, who would want to screw with someone who seems to be such a genuinely nice fellow? Ah, i forget... the Arroyos can screw ANYONE, so what makes Gibo so special?  The next question now is whether Gibo really didn't know a thing about it, or is he following a pre-agreed script?

Anyways... it’s nice how the Arroyos are such great entertainers that they’ve played the whole “Jekyll and Hyde” schtick to perfection, with Little Gloria as Dr.Jekyll and FG Mike in the role of Mr. Hyde. At the end of the day, they are one and the same person (or in this case, have one and the same agenda), but one is a front, and the other does all the work they really want to do anyways.

Manny Villar is a businessman. If the money's good, a deal's a deal, right? Makes perfect business sense.

We’re all doomed...

‘catch you later...

if I had a gun...

Last March 25, 2010, i had a bit of an accident.

After what had been a nice long night, it had been a long and unnecessarily stressful day, and i was driving home... Suddenly dozed off, and let go of the brake pedal. The vehicle was automatic, so without the brakes, it slid forward and kissed the ass of the Honda Jazz right in front me.

As expected, the driver and his female companion unboarded their car, and proceeded to vent their understandably righteous fury at yours truly. Then all hell broke loose...

Below is a letter i would imaginarily send Mr. Raffy (the aggrieved driver's name as i was to learn) after all the adrenaline has stopped crash-cading through my jugulars, and my voice stops sounding like bryan adams after he swallows 10 feet of sandpaper from yelling at Mr. Raffy’s sad, fat ass...

____________________________________________

Dear Mr. Raffy...

When i hit your car, i immediately went down to offer my apologies, as well as discuss the settlement of damages. You started by screaming "punyeta" the moment you stepped out your car, but i more than understood. When you started loudly grumbling about how well cared-for your car was, i looked at your gleaming Jazz and had to concur. When you declared that i had no right to be on the road if i really was that tired, i repeated my apology.

Then a woman whose face had sharper corners than a triangle, pop-out eyes, and a voice that could shatter tempered glass came out of the passenger side and started screaming a lot of obvious things that were pointless, since I wasn’t arguing whether or not I was at fault. And probably because she was your wife, you joined her in screaming more obviousness.

I DIDN’T DENY IT WAS MY FAULT, DAMMIT. PLEASE STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING.

I asked that we pull over and discuss compensation, but your wife still kept shouting. So I did the next best thing. I screamed the fuck back at you and the woman, who you just said was your wife. Now I REALLY feel so sorry for you, man.

NOW PLEASE STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING.

IF I HAD A GUN, I would have pulled it out just to make your stupid screaming wife piss in her pants and scuttle back into your newly dented Honda Jazz praying that the crazy man screaming back at her and pointing a gun would again ask to peacefully pull over and talk about it. AND YOUR STUPID WIFE WOULD WISH SHE NEVER GOT OUT OF THE CAR AND STARTED SCREAMING AT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The MMDA finally come over and tell you guys the obvious. That we have to take photos (which you guys already did), pull over and talk about it. I said that’s exactly what I’ve been asking you guys to do, BUT YOU IDIOTS WOULDN’T STOP SCREAMING.

When we hit the precinct, we were asked if we wanted to discuss settlement on our own. You guys said yes. Which was what we could have done IF YOU GUYS CHOSE THAT OVER SCREAMING AT ME over an hour ago.

Your wife stated that your vehicle was maintained at a Honda shop. Err… news for you, buddy… I just checked the Honda dealerships. THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY SERVICE RECORD OF YOU, YOUR CAR, OR YOUR LOUD STUPID WIFE.

But by the time I post this, I’d have already sent the check over to Honda Cars Pasig, and a nice gentleman by the name of Glen Bellosillo will already have your receipts in his possession. Said gentleman will then be waiting for you to bring your car over to finally get it fixed, AND YOU WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE TOLD YOUR WIFE TO LEARN TO NOT SCREAM AT STRANGERS.

Who knows? Said stranger might have a gun and point it at her just to shut her up.

Amen.

‘catch you later… NOT.

...a REAL Saturday.

A Saturday with no serious agenda is a real Saturday in my humble opinion.

So today is/was a real Saturday.

Wife asked me to wash the van before we head out to our “no agenda” day and i concurred. Only to be reminded while doing so, that being 5'5” is a total bitch... washed the vehicle’s roof on a step ladder and was abso-tively certain i was going to fall off and scratch the side of van... thank heavens for some serious rubber traction on the ladder’s legs.

* * * * * * * *

Drove to the Medical City for an important, but not urgent errand... had a late lunch with Marge and the wifey at Amici, Tomas Morato... brought Marge home... then crashed into a droll-looking Gruppo Barbero along Tomas Morato for some hand, foot, and ear pampering... then he-who-is-known-by-his-adoring-public-as-Michael-V comes in with his son for haircuts. Serious-looking and sounding dude... considering he’s practically one of the funniest guys filling up the TV screens. At least after the political campaigning is over... right now, nothing’s funnier than the preposterousness of many of the campaign ads running on TV. So yeah... for now, Michael V isn’t the funniest guy on TV. I give that to Manny Villar... everyone else is a close second.

* * * * * * * *

Went to Robinson’s Supermarket in that new condo building along Timog before heading home. Had to grab a few little things to round dinner up.

Was approached by one of those Nestle promo girls for their “let’s check your health and wellness” campaign. She offered the wife and i a “free assessment” on supposed things like height vs. Weight ratio and all that... told her, i already knew i was short and fat.

Then added that at least i know there are shorter and fatter people running around on the planet. So yeah... i’m fine with my “wellness.”

And while i have had my share of bad copywriting throughout my supposed ad-man career, some things are so bad they’re good... anyone for seafood? Try dropping by Robinson’s Supermarkets’ “Lenten FISH-tival.” Bwahahahahahaha...!

* * * * * * * *

My favourite masseuse desperately keeps trying to squash my “bayabas-sized” lipoma on my lower back around forty five minutes after a home-cooked dinner of munggo and galunggong... and now i’m blogging...

Now THIS is a real Saturday.

‘catch you later...

earthquake...

6.1 magnitude earthquake from the 31st floor.

uhm...

err...

i'm still blogging...

'catch you later...

back in the free stock image game...

not too long ago, i was inspired by a fledgling little website called sxc.hu
"sxc" stood for "stockxchange," and it was a godsend for graphic designers like yours truly who had more than a few clients with rather limited budgets and couldn't afford paid stock photos, much less full-blown shoots.

said website inspired me to shoot shoot and shoot... and sort of get better... quickly accumulated over 200 photographs all available to those who needed them free of charge.

anyways... to cut a long story short... that site changed management, is now run by assholes, and has kicked me out for openly promoting another site composed of disgruntled former sxc members.

many of the best images on sxc are now here... check it out.

http://www.rgbstock.com/

long live rgbstock...

'catch you later...

Movie Review: Alice in Wonderland (My Cup of Tea...)

Ham and cheese... Starsky and Hutch... Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield... pop corn and soda... Tim Burton and Johnny effing Depp... some things just make magic when put together.

Given the level that CGI is at this point, it was about bloody time someone did Lewis Caroll’s satirical fantasy. Having Tim Burton pick up the gauntlet was crazy-great enough, but him bringing along his usual gang of suspects from buddy Depp, bed buddy Helena Bonham Carter, and Timothy Spall, with help from Alan Rickman, Anna Hathaway, Stephen Fry and Hollywood’s favourite weirdo, Crispin Glover... man... Burton just had a field day.

It isn’t really that surprising when one thinks about it. Between the stop-motion animated movies to Edward Scissorhands to Beetlejuice and everything else between the cracks, Burton has practically given his audience bits and pieces of what would be his Wonderland.

But i don’t think i can say anything that hasn’t really been said before. Since the love triangle of Burton, Depp and Carter has so many geeky fans that there are a gazillion blog reviews out there. And yes, i am putting this one down a whole two weeks after seeing the movie to join said geeky fans and reaffirm my geeky coolness factor.

Johnny Depp playing the Mad Hatter is cool as always, but Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen totally rocked. She obviously had so much fun here, it was a joy every time she was on screen. And yes, Mia Wasikowska (what the hell is UP with that name...?) as the eponymous “Alice” was absolutely brilliant.

Am i geeky cool now...?

‘catch you later.

Double Movie Review: “Have You Heard About the Morgans?” and “Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief” (Reruns from Another Universe...)

My oh my... how time flies...

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *


“...Morgans”

There always something comforting with familiarity. And “Have You Heard About the Morgans?” the latest vehicle coasting itself on the still-remaining wattage of soon-to-be-has-been Hugh Grant, and the i’m-soon-going-to-be-too-old-to-play-Carrie-Bradshaw Sarah Jessica Parker, gives us familiarity in spades.

Hugh Grant pulls out his not-so-tired-but-all-too-familiar rabbit out of his proverbial hat by playing the puppy who ate the canary but knows he is trying to atone for it by simply being British. This is right opposite Sarah Jessica Parker, who plays a successful, but neurotic and wounded cosmopolitan career woman, whose name surprisingly isn’t Carrie Bradshaw. 

"...the movie was so dumbed down, that ...Sam Elliot, ...isn’t even hiding his boredom and disdain for the script and story..."

The above estranged couple witness a murder while trying to desperately reconcile, then is put in a witness protection program that throws them in some totally town in middle America. This then automatically allows writer/director Marc Lawrence a convenient excuse to throw in rejected jokes he must have from stolen tossed out transcripts of Billy Crystal’s “City Slickers 2” (yes, the bad sequel...). The movie was so dumbed down, that the i’ve-done-much-better-shit-than-this Sam Elliot, who plays the town’s sheriff and witness protector isn’t even hiding his boredom and disdain for the script and story. Of course, the still-hot-at-57 Mary Steenburgen, who plays Elliot’s golden-hearted cowboy wife does her usual effective wallpaper role to practically no effect. Kind of like those pretty vegetables cut up nicely like flowers in Chinese restos. They look nice, make the dish seems more appetizing with them on the side, but as soon as you start digging in, first thing you do is throw those funky things off the plate.

Hugh actually supposedly went sleeping around (in the movie, i mean...), which caused the rift between him and Carrie Bradshaw Sarah Jessica Parker’s character. But living in cowboy country seems to have dulled not only Carrie Bradshaw Sarah Jessica Parker’s brain, but has also made her more forgiving. So they live happily ever after.

Were you expecting anything else?

“Percy Jackson...”

Here’s how it may have happened... Chris Columbus just finished his 2,387th rerun of his old “Clash of the Titans” betamax tape, caught clips of “Narnia” movies on HBO while hopping to the bathroom, then took a whiff of whatever the hell he whiffs, but probably wasn’t what he was whiffing when he made “Home Alone” way back in 1990, nor his Harry Potter movies... then started work on adapting Rick Riordan’s book, “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief."

"...i couldn't shake off the feeling that i’m watching another “Harry Potter” instalment..."

To be fair, i think the movie’s limitations stem from the limitations set by its source material. And no, i haven’t read the book, nor do i plan to. But while the whole thing seems like a supposedly refreshingly modern take on sliding classic Greek mythology into some “High School Musical/Glee” demographic, i couldn't shake off the feeling that i’m watching another “Harry Potter” instalment.

And while I’m sure Pierce Brosnan just got himself a whole lifetime’s worth of “i’m a total stud” jokes after being depicted as a centaur (half-human, half-horse mythological creature... and yes, the bottom half is the horse-half...), i think he wasn’t properly utilized... but i guess i belong in an age when Mr. Brosnan was always the leading guy, and not some “Qui Gon Jinn” type of character. So sue me... Uma Thurman as Medusa was a funny turn... and while Thurman’s deadpan delivery already reached its peak back in “The Avengers,” it still seems to be fine form... and yes, she’s still beautiful even when decapitated.

I found the “brewing romance” between Percy and Athena’s supposed daughter Annabeth to be a bit forced. Or maybe i’m just getting way too old for this...

Yeah... i probably am...

‘catch you later...