Underachieving PNoy and the house of cockroaches...

So what has President Benigno Simeon Cojuangco Aquino III done so far in his presidency?

Hmm… an easy question for some, especially the ones looking for actual infrastructure, and possibly more than a few bills, laws and whatnots… they mostly say that this man has not done anything worthwhile in his so far fourteen months in office.

No new roads, no new parks, no new lamp posts, no new road islands with monogrammed tiles (Hi, there, Herbert!), and stolen shots of his presidential desk show that he is not drowning in paper work. Such an underachiever of a president is Mr. Aquino, a.k.a. P-Noy. Boo hoo..

News flash: I ain’t crazy about ‘im. He ain’t the best thing since chopped liver was served to hippie vegetarians and unwitting Jehovah’s Witnesses. But I think he’s on to something.

I’ll keep this short and sweet by way of an analogy…

disgusted? you ought to be.
i know i am.

Imagine inheriting a house, and while you’re looking around, you find many nooks and crannies of crazy slam-your-ass-in-the-grass epic level cockroach infestation. What do you do? Would you ignore it and go on shopping for new furniture? Would you readily schedule the delivery of your brand new big-as-the-fucking-wall TV? Or perhaps run over to the mall and look into some lovely new bathroom fixtures?

No. if you are a home-owner of worth, you will go batshit crazy squashing every bug in sight and smoking out all those hiding in the corners.

As batshit crazy as PNoy ought to be after swearing himself in as president.

Once the bugs are gone, THEN let’s start thinking about the color of the new carpet.

‘nuff said.

‘catch you later.

Hmm... Sa Tingin Ko Po Hindi Po Nagsisinungaling si Po...

"dammit... i should have rigged those
choppers to explode when FG
bought them for the campaign..."

The wife and i recently made acquaintances with a nice lady and her daughter with whom we hope to close a deal in the very near future. We found them to be very nice people. Obviously affluent, but not aloof nor snobbish. They were from an old family of means, and we found out that we shared the same hairdresser, the same dentists, but unfortunately, not the same veterinarian.

They also happened to be the family a former employee of mine married into. Someone who only recently re-found me on Facebook and added me. I had the good fortune of having met with the husband almost a decade ago.

Just today, i found out they were family to Archibald Po. Yes, THAT Archibald Po. The Archibald Po who had in his testimony another piece of the big picture of theft, corruption, and Philippine decay painted by the tag-team from hell known as Mike Arroyo and Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.

I read up some more about Archibald Po and reaffirmed my already titanium-hard belief that he was a man who had no reason to lie at this point in his successful life. Heaven knows that if there's anything Gloria, Mike and their ilk know better than buying anyone off, is their penchant for revenge, both the political sort, as well as the not so savory toss-you-on-the-side-of-the-road sort. So if i was Archibald Po, i might opt to keep quiet and go about minding my own business and stay out of the thinning crosshairs of the vindictive Arroyos. But i'm not Archibald Po. I'm either a chicken, or dont think my daughter's old enough for me to take these risks.

But Po did. Po is.

"Look, Mike 'oh... akala talaga nila
mahuhuli nila tayo 'noh?"

I wish him the best of luck. If you've read enough through this pathetic blog, you'd see my contempt for she who was president. I've somewhat gotten tired of shooting at Gloria. It sometimes feels like shooting a water gun at a very big, invulnerable cockroach with a mole. But they're going down. Bit by ugly bit... 'can't wait.

'catch you later.

Thumbs Up: My 15-Second Run-In with former president Fidel V. Ramos

Two half-presidents ago (Erap only served half a term, while Gloria was half the size of a regular human being), there was a general named Eddie who became president of the Republic of the Philippines.

I personally thought Eddie was a good president. Like most politicians, there are stories that he got wealthier during his term. But hey, who the hell are they casting the first few stones? And more importantly, have they done more than Eddie? But see, all that's under the bridge and all. And a decade and a half later, what most people will remember more is that during Eddie's term, the Philippines looked and smelled good to the world. There was business aplenty, and where there was dirt, there were pretty rugs to sweep them under. Enough for the magazine spreads, anyways. 'nuff said about that...

And best of all, Eddie is cool.

Cool enough to crack jokes to building-mates back in Exportbank Plaza, cool enough to keep his nose clean, and cool enough to know when enough was enough. Unlike some politicians we know.

Oh, and cool enough to shake my hand and ham up for this phone shot when i ran into him at the Manila Bulletin anniversary party recently.

'catch you later.

The Alien Truth About Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

The headline on the Philippine Daily Inquirer yesterday (December 8, 2010) is another sign towards the validation of the gay relationship between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne (a.k.a. Superman and Batman), as well as its consummation.

Their love child is GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO.

The headline today shows that Gloria’s fantastic master stroke of installing that guy Corona as chief justice before she leaves Malacañang is evidence of the genius she inherited from Batman, while the rest of the erstwhile presidential term has proven that she has Superman-thick skin all over tiny mole-ridden body with the breast implants. Said master stroke has made her impervious to any attack from the current or any future administration of the Philippine government.

GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO is a super-being carried to term in the Kryptonian womb of Kal-El (as Clark Kent is known in his native planet of Krypton). I have come to this conclusion in observing that since regular Earth males like Bruce Wayne (a.k.a. Batman) have not shown signs of really getting pregnant (testosterone-laced females with facial hair and little-boy biceps do not count). Thus, it MUST be Superman who carried the child. After all, we know nothing about the inner workings of Kryptonian physiques.

The United States Department of Defense, or National Security, or Anti-Koreans, (or whatever it is they come up every other time) can save a lot of money by hiring Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and throwing her at the commies. If her long presidential term is any sign, she is practically guaranteed to cause a LOT of trouble.

And best (or worst) of all, GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO will survive. Guaranteed.

‘catch you later.*

* BUT YOU'LL NEVER CATCH GLORIA!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!!

Manny Villar Can Predict the Future

It’s quite possible that either presidential candidate Manny Villar or his campaign doggies have precognitive abilities.

Check out the image i caught on TV via my phone’s camera...

With all the “business creativity” Manny V has been accused of lately by the media and many fellow “lawmakers,” Manny Villar may have been right in selecting orange since it’s the color of the prison garb he might end up wearing.

Check out the photo on the front page of the Inquirer yesterday...
May well be the image of Manny Villar as he walks into prison and is greeted by his fellow inmates...
 
'catch you later...

GMA & FGM: Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

So the secret’s out. Not that it was very well-kept to begin with anyways.

The Arroyos are backing Manny Villar. This isn’t very different from a couple of days ago when Ricky Martin announced he was/is gay. I will pretend to act surprised. I will pretend that this is excitingly new and fresh water cooler conversation.

This late in the campaign game, when the wheels are already turning and the gears have been put in their right places, the Trojan horses and the moles have started to skittle out and break out of the woodwork... of course, the stink and steam have been leaking off the loosely placed lid of the Arroyo/Villar campaign for far too long. It sort of smells like a “dagat ng basura,” so to speak. I’d even like to think that supposed administration candidate Gilbert Teodoro is so damn likable that some people are just hoping that the Villar/Arroyo joint venture could be untrue for his sake.

I mean, who would want to screw with someone who seems to be such a genuinely nice fellow? Ah, i forget... the Arroyos can screw ANYONE, so what makes Gibo so special?  The next question now is whether Gibo really didn't know a thing about it, or is he following a pre-agreed script?

Anyways... it’s nice how the Arroyos are such great entertainers that they’ve played the whole “Jekyll and Hyde” schtick to perfection, with Little Gloria as Dr.Jekyll and FG Mike in the role of Mr. Hyde. At the end of the day, they are one and the same person (or in this case, have one and the same agenda), but one is a front, and the other does all the work they really want to do anyways.

Manny Villar is a businessman. If the money's good, a deal's a deal, right? Makes perfect business sense.

We’re all doomed...

‘catch you later...

...and these are the guys watching over our safety and welfare.

The police and the local governments have yet again reminded me why they are the last people to call for concerns on public health and safety...

As I write this, I am still stopping myself from sneezing my Chinese nose off from all the dust the store gathered, because some idiot politician decided to arrive in style at the Panagbenga Festival Kick-Off parade in a fucking PNP helicopter by landing it smack in the middle of town at Burnham Park's football field...

I'm guessing the politician, who I won't name because I cannot ascertain who he/she was is so stupid that he/she didn't consider the possibility that a chopper landing in the middle of a dusty football field with throngs of people watching a pathetic parade will send storms of dust flying for almost half a mile around... and there are a lot of children, too... think about that... it's not like the government provides real health insurance, and not some excuse called PhilHealth...

What's funnier is that the PNP's airforce didn't even bother telling stupid-arriving-in-stye-politician about the effects of landing a chopper in the middle of a populated park... no wonder planes are crashing all over the place and killing people... and yes, these are the people who are watching over our safety and well-being...

Don't you just adore the Philippine government...?

'catch you later...

Dante on Gloria Macapagal Arroyo...

Dante Alighieri can now officially give Nostredamus a run for his precognitive money.

I’ve just re-browsed through wikipedia’s entry on Dante’s Divine Comedy, and glossed over the various circles of hell he described. For the uneducated, they are as follows:

1. First Circle (Limbo) – where the Philippines is under Gloria’s administration.
2. Second Circle (Lust) – paging Nani Perez...
3. Third Circle (Gluttony) – Le Cirque, anyone...?
4. Fourth Circle (Avarice) – i don’t even know where to start with this one...
5. Fifth Circle (Wrath & Sloth) – there’s a long list of how Gloria handles her political opponents...
6. Sixth Circle (Heresy) – her every move is an act against all that is holy...
7. Seventh Circle (Violence) – ooh... Maguindanao on da nooz!!
8. Eighth Circle (Fraud) – ‘nuff said!!!
9. Ninth Circle (Treason) – in Gloria’s world, bullshit is spelled SONA.

Upon my recollection of some of the most interesting TV coverage and newspaper headlines, it would seem to suggest that Dante Alighieri had already predicted the existence of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo as far back as the 13th century.


I know that at this point, shooting at Gloria is no longer a rare form of recreation for anyone with half a working brain and some spare time. Truth be told, i’ve actually gotten tired of writing about Gloria’s endless habit of shitting on everybody who lives in this country. Just the effort of trying to cover every dubious act, every blatant display of greed and corruption might take more than 7 dedicated days in a week...

But this latest one takes the cake.

Gloria’s puppies say that she will not sever her “friendly” ties with the Ampatuans. This, after so much buzz all over the place connecting the Ampatuans to the Maguindanao massacre. It is a not uncommon saying that one can “know someone by knowing who their friends are...”

So, let’s put two and two together and we will know (again) what Gloria is...

So despite the bludgeoning her administration and her reputation have taken of late, it seems that Gloria truly does not care for what Filipinos think of her. And while big money players can keep talking about how the economy supposedly seems to be looking up. There is no tangible evidence that the greater public is honestly living better lives. Quite the contrary, actually... So she can’t keep saying that her ends justify her awful means. So it just means that she just plain doesn’t care for us at all.

And she’s the president.

And we’re all in hell.

Popularity vs. Productivity: The Long Weekends of Doom

It’s amazing how it seems to take forever for congressmen, senators and the rest of the politicians to pass laws and pretend to address social issues in the country. But it seems so easy to declare one new unwarranted holiday after another.

In Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s desperate attempt at trying to zombie-fy her deader-than-a-door-knob popularity level, she has been declaring holidays left and right. Of course, that’s as long as there is a big potential bloc vote involved.

Early last night, i was just informed that there would be no work on Monday. And the sadness of it is that i only had until Wednesday in Manila for the week until i have to go up and do some store stuff. So in one fell swoop, Gloria just took away 33% of my Manila workweek. And for what?

Truth be told, I am a fan of the Iglesia ni Cristo. I love how organized they are, I love the architecture of the temples/churches and all, and I have nothing but respect for the guys who are keeping that thing going and going strong. But having said that, i do not think it is justified to declare Monday a holiday just because one of their leaders will be buried that day. Nothing against the late Eraño Manalo, but he isn’t even the founder.

What about the many meetings of many professionals who have things stacked up on Monday? What about the entire week’s schedule that have all been pushed back? What about make or break deals that could have been made this Monday?

What about employees who have no-work-no-pay deals? They lost another day of work on their paychecks.

The list goes on...

And all because Little Gloria Arroyo wants to desperately kiss some major Iglesia ass. Tsk tsk...
On September 21, we will be observing another new Holiday that Gloria created. That of the official end of Ramadan. Generally speaking, Muslims will feast on that day. And yes, so Gloria. But oh, we forget... she feasts everyday...

For now...

My condolences to all my Iglesia friends...

‘catch you later...

Letters to Prez Glow (#4): WHATTAMOM!!!

Dear Madam Gloria...

I am writing you to congratulate you regarding the results of the recent interview of your beloved son, Mikey Arroyo with Mareng Winnie Monsod and the politically proper Arnold “Igan” Clavio.

There is nothing more rewarding than a politician who has shown himself all naked and baring his very soul on national TV. It doesn’t matter whether or not it was his intention to be so transparent, or if he was just too dumb to even lie competently.

But I commend him for his patience and absolute restraint from going all Neanderthal on Mareng Winnie, who was having a field day with him and his pea-sized brain. You have taught him such, Madame President that I believe that he will grow up with a whole rolodex of revenge methods for political enemies just like you do.

Just like the way you took away Madame Corazon Aquino’s security detail. Totally classy.

You are truly a wonderful mom to Mikey. Imagine, having a son so stupid and still manage to give him a government post. You are truly spending a lot of money and pulling so many strings to do this. Bravo, mom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ_rC-wnqFI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q0JKzpjh_o&feature=related

Cheers and i hope enjoy the long weekend you have once again created...

Nagmamahal at nabibilib...

New-youtube-addict-because-of-mikey

Letters to Prez Glow (#3) TRAPIK IN BAG-YO! CEE-TEY...

Dear Mrs. President Gloria...

You cost me an extra 25 minutes of road time today. When I’m in Manila, an additional half an hour on the road is nothing. But it is quite surprising when I am at Baguio City attending to my matters on this wide of the highway.

It normally only takes me 10 minutes to get to work.

But today was apparently extra special. After practically crawling part of my way to the store, I was told by some lady sari-sari store shopkeeper that “andyan ata si GMA (your initials, my dear)... may hinarangan na daan, kaya trapik...” i felt so bad for you, because she had a scowl on her face when she said your name.

It almost seemed like she said other names and words like “demonita,” “satanas,” or simply “kupal.” She scowled, Madame President. I almost wanted to hit her for you. And i will tell her that i hit her for you, and i will pay her good money to hit you back in return.

I was going to do it for you, remember?

Anyways, i am writing to you now because i am sad. Sad for you.

After the throngs of people pouring their hearts out for the late, great President Cory Aquino during the time of her wake, i was saddened to see that there were no people on the streets waiting for you. Of course, there were probably a few who thought of hiding behind some bushes with shotguns in hand just waiting for you, but that’s another story.

Maybe i’ve seen too much TV or too many movies, or too much international news on channels like BBC or CNN, where they show throngs of people lined up in the streets to greet they leaders, or in some poorer countries, to ask for help and some attention. I’ve probably seen too much of those, and have been falsely convinced that those are actually true.

See, the only people i saw on the streets this morning were people gallantly hoofing their way to work, simply because their “beloved” president’s security detail had a few major roads blocked for security.

No throngs of people waiting to greet or simply to pay respects to you, our dear president. Nada. No one. Well, expect probably those people in city hall, where you were going. They HAVE to anyways...

No throngs of people lined up to ask the president to see their plight and possibly ask for some help and attention... No. They’re probably afraid of getting hurt by your security force, MADAME PRESIDENT. Besides, they probably already feel that they cannot get an iota of sympathy from a president who can live like a queen, when her subjects are feasting on shit like UFC Sarsarap.

The welcome streamer hung almost forlornly at the entrance of the Baguio City Hall, since no one was excited enough to see you to hang out by the door. Except maybe the smokers.
But welcome to Baguio City, Prez Glow... I hope you take helicopter going home... under thick, heavy fog.

Nagmamahal at nagpapaalam...

Nalumbay sa Daan

Letters to Prez Glow (#2) FLYING THE FIENDLY SKIES

Dear Prez-Glow...

Happy weekend to you po, Prez... do you any plans for tonight? Any million-Peso Saturday night parties you might be planning on throwing? In case you do, and you need more guests, please let me know. Out next door neighbour in Quezon City is a taco shell factory, and they have thousands of cockroaches who can keep you company.

You and them aren’t too different po, ma’am. Like you, they can survive anything, and still manage to multiply. I’m sure you guys can find a lot of things to chat about po.
But that’s not the real reason i write to you now.

I am writing to apologize for my previous letter, where I was shooting at you about those made-for-tv-news-dinners you had in the States. Seriously... to quote a little piece of shit with a mole on her face that i saw on TV around four years ago: “I... AM... SORRY...”

I am so fucking sorry, because the couple of million pesos you spent for your meals is fucking peanuts compared to the 1.6 billion peso over-expense you incurred with your foreign trips. A couple of million bucks is NOTHING. NOTHING, I tell you...

And even better, you got a lot of that from the National Contingency Fund. I’m sure that your foreign trips are a form of national emergency that needs a billion bucks worth of taxpayers’ money. I’m sure that your foreign trips are more important than putting up health centers in various depressed provinces, or subsidizing agriculture or various other industries, or some honest-to-goodness housing projects that don’t make houses big enough for a Doberman.
I’m sure you went abroad to build goodwill (to cover up all the shit you’re doing back home), and to woo investors into the country (so that you will have more cows to milk). It’s all for the good of the economy (especially your family’s private economy).

I therefore conclude that whoever came up with the initial P1.1 billion travel budget for you was an absolute idiot. And no, I will defend you tooth and nail if anyone says that you are a bigger idiot for approving that budget since it is painfully obvious that it wasn’t nearly enough.
I will defend you po. I will defend you like I do the cockroaches in our next door factory neighbour.

I will defend you, because I personally want you to have put aside enough money FROM THE GOVERNMENT, AND GOVERNMENT-RELATED SCAMS to have as many trips abroad as you want, that you may consider not coming back again. Ever.

And maybe you will love leaving the country so much that you will finally, really, truthfully, step down on 2010. I hear the weather in Africa is pretty warm. Please visit THAT place more often, since you will need to get used to the heat that you will eventually suffer in hell.

Again po, to quote the short, slimy character with the nasal voice AND A MOLE TO THE LEFT OF THE NOSE: “I... AM... SORRY...”

Nagmamahal at nagpapaalam...

Death by Adobo

Letters to Prez Glow (#1) WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

Dear Prez-Glow...

How ya doin’ lately?

I assume that by this time, you’ve already managed to shit out the lobster and caviar you guys gorged upon in New York and Washington. I hope you had a bad bellyache, and i hope shitting all that out was painful.

As you know by now, your countrymen are up in arms after hearing about your lavishly extravagant dinners. We really should shut up about those things. After all, you may only seem human to a few, but you do have to eat, right? All this fuss really isn’t necessary, right? I mean, a congressman paid for one of those dinners, right? Not the government, right?

But wait... where did the congressman get the money? I’m sure he didn’t get it from the pork barrels, right? I mean, he wouldn’t dream of doing that, right? He must have other businesses that enabled him to afford blowing A MILLION PESOS ON ONE SINGLE DINNER, right? He will be audited for his expenses as congressman, right?

So it wasn’t you. You really shouldn’t get the blame.

I’m sure $500 for a bottle of wine is perfectly normal. After all, you are the PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY WITH TERRIBLY POOR PEOPLE, and all the helpless citizens DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN about you needing to eat... caviar.

I feel so sorry for you... NOT.

But see here... for the past couple or so years, you have been having a terrible PR nightmare. NOBODY LIKES YOU, UNLESS THEY ARE BENEFITTING FROM YOU IN VERY CORRUPT WAYS. And with many people suffering from an awful quality of living all over the country, how did you expect them to react after finding out about you blowing all that money on dinner alone?
Maybe you’re too busy to see the people who are passing the days and filling their sad bellies with rice topped off by salt, or those deceiving themselves that they are having a good meal with shitty stuff like UFC Sarsarap, which costs a mere five pesos per sachet. And yes, you are after all in the States WITH 65 PEOPLE IN YOUR ENTOURAGE. So all that money for dinner is justified, right? And yes, one MUST have lobster, caviar and $500per bottle wine. One cannot survive on a simple pork chop and coke. Or even a little barbequed spare rib... Lobster is a definite must. Yes, indeed.

Oh, and caviar. One must not forget the caviar. Definitely an indispensible part of a presidential diet.

But please remember that YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES. A country of poor people. Many of whom are hungry and cannot afford proper healthcare. At the very least, you must be more discreet about what you do. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES. THE PRESIDENT. An ELECTED president (supposedly). So whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you fucking wear, whatever you fucking spend, is everybody’s business.

You want privacy? Then just step down. Get out of Malacañang and stop beautifying the economy reports with some accounting magic, and look closer at your people.
YOUR POOR STARVING PEOPLE WHO EARN AROUND P130,000 PER YEAR ON MINIMUM WAGE.

At least I can rest easy knowing that if a dozen minimum wage workers don’t spend a single centavo, and put together the money they’ve earned for the entire year, they can finally afford the meals you spent for in the States.

Why must you bother with all the hard work in desperately trying to extend your term? Don’t you want to blow a million bucks for dinner in private?

Think about it.

I must end this first letter right now, because I must go enjoy my simple lunch of tofu, adobo, and sautéed string beans, while imagining how the tofu will miraculously transform into a lobster. Thank you.

Nagmamahal at nagpapaalam...

Death by Adobo

Gloria's Breasts...

Some things just write themselves effortlessly.

So Gloria Macapagal Arroyo got herself some breast implants around two decades ago. Big fat deal. In this day and age, there is nothing newsworthy about breast implants. Even for public officials like Prez Glo.

What makes this whole thing so bloody laughable is how Prez Glo’s entourage keep on trying to insult the Pinoy population’s intelligence in classic Arroyo fashion.

“Medical reason,” my ass.

The only physical purpose female breasts actually serve is to provide food for offspring. And I don’t think silicone produces milk. Unless it does, and it would explain the mental development (or lack thereof) of Glo’s kids, and of course the retardation of FG's brain.

Why not just shut up about the whole thing? Tell people that a woman’s breasts (and implants) are none of their business. Gloria wants to have something cosmetic done to herself, then fine. No biggie. Nothing to be ashamed of. Why not just say it as it is?

Gloria wants a bit of delicadeza about the whole thing. Fine. I must reluctantly agree. But why bait everyone with such a lame answer?


"Medical reason..." Geez…

If that's the best that the Malacañang spin doctors can cough up, then it's no wonder Gloria's public image has the scent integrity of a septic tank.

‘catch you later…

Ten Reasons Why the COMELEC Will Finally Automate the 2010 Elections

Ten Reasons Why the COMELEC Will Finally Automate the 2010 Elections:

1. The COMELEC have found themselves a great computer programmer who can work out a “glitch” in the counting, which will no longer require the assistance of “Garci” to cheat.

2. They have probably concluded that with Item #1 (above) in place, they can turn election automation into a regular megazillion money-making scam, while giving Pinoys the illusion of a “better” system.

3. Automation in the election process will mean that President Arroyo, should she run again, will no longer have to make those incriminating “Hello, Garci” calls. Upon completion of the voting process, the machines will say the infamous GMA version of “I… AM… SORRY…”

4. They have already killed the ingenious programmer of the cheat system mentioned in Item #1 so he’ll shut the fuck up.

5. The system has been programmed to declare Gloria Macapagal Arroyo as the winner despite not being on the list of candidates.

6. The COMELEC has been taken over by Decepticons, and all those machines they are going to install will all turn into tiny robots who will hump Megan Fox’s leg, then proceed to take over the rest of Philippines.

7. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is Megatron in disguise.

8. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has been assimilated into the gigantific COMELEC computer mainframe, and will proceed to possess every Pinoy voter upon contact with the evil election machines.

9. Old politicos have finally begun to realize the power of computers after “forcing” themselves to review Hayden Kho’s sex scandal recordings.

10. All of the above will not happen, because “at the last minute,” they will “discover” a glitch that will require them to “overhaul” the system, and Pinoys will have to “wait for the next elections” until we can witness another show where they will pretend to finally automate the elections.

-----------------------------------------------------------

'catch you later...

Candid Cop Camera...

Hey, did you hear about the cops that got caught on TV? “SMILE!!! You’re on ‘Candid Camera!’”

“Oh, what’s that you guys are doing? Oh, you’re shooting a suspect! Coolers! Waitaminit… you’re shooting a ‘suspect?!?!!’ Why the fuck are you assholes shooting a ‘suspect?’ That means, we’re not even sure they’re really crooks… But hang in there... they've got to be crooks, right? Because you smelled them, and smelly beasts can sniff out their own kind.”

Hmm… Nonetheless, I am disturbed. Very disturbed.

Very disturbed in an “I-knew-it-anyways-but-still-bugs-me-whenever-it-happens” kind of way. I’m talking about the recent news about the cops running after and subsequently gunning down three car-napping suspects in Quezon City. The operative word here being “suspects.”

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/metro/view/20090220-190155/QC-anti-carnap-chief-sacked

I feel bad for these guys. I feel bad that they had to be caught on camera. That means they have compromised the already sucky credibility level of the local police force even further. That means they have to be sacked so there will be lambs. Sacrificial lambs. Or in this case, goats. Sacrificial goats.

Poor cops. Really. I feel for them. Honestly. It’s probably not their fault that they get paid a measly salary for roaming the streets while instilling fear in evil-doers, or simply just instilling fear. Not their fault that they don’t even want to pay for jeepney or FX fares. Not their fault they won’t even pay for a stick of banana-Q. Not their fault that they’re tasked to eliminate people who were probably accomplices sometimes. It’s only work, dude. Nothing personal.

Not the cops’ fault that their salaries are so low, while the higher ups have siphoned off 30% of their bonuses last Christmas and are now probably finalizing the floor plans on their new homes with some seedy architects. Or probably booking their vacation tickets to another country. Like Russia. Or a European tour… oh, waitaminit… Gloria pays for stuff like that! Sorry…

Those who weren’t caught on camera probably run on back to their police-daddies, raise their hands in salute and say: “Mission accomplished, sir!” And they probably get a pat on the back and an old bottle of Fundador for their efficient efforts. “Efficient” meaning: they didn’t get caught, and the job was utterly clean.

As for the guys who got filmed, Grim-spector Angelo Nicloas (who got sacked, OH POOR YOU!!!), and SPO1 Frederick Torres and PO3 Randy Barrameda who both got reduced to becoming secretaries and are probably mastering several creative ways to make use of powdered coffee right now, YOU GUYS GOT OFF EASY!

But then again, you guys are cops. You WILL get off easy. It was part of the deal, right? Of course, you guys are always innocent until proven guilty, unlike the rest of the citizenry, who are judged and executed by you guys in seconds.

But I’m guessing you guys will watch out for the cameras next time. Please smile if there are. Tsk tsk…

"Da World Bank Lies!!!!"

Got you with that title, huh?

But that’s probably the first thing Mr. Arroyo blurted out upon finding out that the World Bank has officially implicated him in kickback anomalies on public works projects. (Yawn… what’s new…?) But okay, so it seems that the big (and I mean really BIG) boys have finally decided to speak up. Yup, no less than the World Bank has implicated First (Un)Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo.

So an organization that Little Gloria can’t control, influence, cajole, or promise new government positions to, has finally released statements pointing to one of the most despicable individuals living in these over 7,000 islands, along with a few other cronies.

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/147372/Witnesses-tag-Arroyo-hubby-in-bribery-for-road-projects

But I suppose the real question here is: What on earth can they do to Mr. FG? (“F” for “Fucking” and “G” for “Glutton,” or “Fiendish Gorilla,” or simply “Fat Guy”)

Considering how Philippine government officials have made covering up for one another an art form, I’m not expecting anything. Some might say that this whole affair is shameful for the country. But hey, considering the Philippine government’s track record? Who fucking cares?

Plus, it seems that anyone with the surname Arroyo and works in the government does not know the meaning of the word “shame.”

I wouldn’t be surprised if upon finding out about the World Bank report, Mr. Fat Guy just took another sip of margarita and proceeded to his next hole in a game of golf. “Poor Gloria,” you might say? Riiiiiiiight… Gloria’s so fucking good at hiding her dirt under her so many rugs that she’s probably Persian.

But I’ll stop right here. Because this blog entry is just going in circles. Just like any investigation on any government official in this poor beleaguered country.

Catch you later…

bits & pieces off my lousy phone camera...

In the process of clearing my phone of whatnots, I stumble upon a few things that I snapped in the past that I've always meant to write about but never really got around to doing so...

But before I delete them, here's a breeze-through...


HOW CAN ONE DELAY SOMETHING ALREADY DELAYED BY NATURE?
One gray morning on the way to work, I found myself tailing a truck cab that had a sticker saying: "Government Project, DO NOT DELAY."

They should correct themselves and instead say: "PHILIPPINE Government Project, Do Not Delay FURTHER."

* * * * * * *

FUNKY BUSINESS NAMES

This being the Philippines, our more than liberal speech patterns, coupled with our multiple source-culled dialect have helped arrive at some rather amusing, if not altogether interesting business names...

And from time to time (far rarer than I'd wish...), one has the occasional presence of mind that lets one grab his phone (oh, will you look at that, there's a fucking camera!) and snap at a few things...

First is "Cocomo Nail Spa" that one can find at One Kennedy Place at Greenhills. Either they're Beach Boys fans, or they just thought this would be a cute shop name. Or both... I'd agree with either...

Next up is "SideWok," an annex of sorts to Reyes Barbeque. I'm guessing "SideWok" fries things in lieu of barbequing them. And them being a "side feature" makes the name amusing at least...

I found "SideWok" in the food court of the Greenhills' Theater Mall.

Other amusing names that I saw but wasn't able to photograph were:

- "Hair Force One" (a barber shop)
- "Pinoy Big Barber" (another barber shop with a logo designed like "Pinoy Big Brother")
- "LaBada Shop" (a laundermat with a logo designed like "the Body Shop")

There are many others out there. Before blogging became the "thing," many have been proliferated via chain emails... Oh well... Cheers to those...

* * * * * * *

GET THOSE DAMN THINGS OFF THE ROADS



To your left is a photo of a side view mirror reflecting an image of something called a "roving billboard."

These "roving billboards" have been done in the past in other countries. Most notably the United States, which we Pinoys desperately get a lot of our inspiration from.

Their main function is to help create brand awareness, while they:

1. Add to the already horrendous traffic of Metro Manila
2. Waste precious fuel just to help the truck owner get rich.
3. Add to the already montrous pollution level of Metro Manila (or the rest of the goddamn planet, for that matter...)
4. ...are not even really effective...

'think the planet's in deep shit? Well, these stupid things aren't helping...

* * * * * * *


PARENTS SHOULD BE LIABLE FOR IDIOTIC CHILDREN'S NAMES


In the course of approving and/or cashing checks in the store in Baguio City, I've come across some very amusing names.

I've cashed a check addressed to someone with the last name, "Doctor," who happily claims that she also has an aunt who is a real doctor. Thus, making her aunt "Dr. Doctor."

But that's a surname. What about parents who name their kids things like, "Kobe Bryant Reyes," or "Clark Kent Wong," or in this case "Phoebe Kates N------?" (Please note misspelled "Cates.")

Can children sue their parents for these things?

* * * * * * *

Catch you later...

Manny the Distractor...

The Filipino people are happy again for just another day. And you can bet your bellybutton lint Gloria Macapagal Arroyo will capitalize on this. For the first time in weeks, maybe even months, we’ve got one solid piece of good news on the papers, radio and of course, tv.

MANNY PACQUIAO BEATS OSCAR DELA HOYA.

The Malacañang spin doctors get themselves day off from having to get the public to think of new issues to cover up any other issues that have any potential at all at boomeranging back to Gloria.

All they have to do today, tomorrow and the next few days is have Gloria bark about the so-called Filipino spirit “that triumphs over adversity, and against the odds…” (or something like that. The presidential spin docs were always particularly good at clichés.) Gloria will urge the countrymen to feel good about themselves, to feel proud that a Filipino has again proven that we can compete globally, and totally make the euphoric Pinoys forget for one moment that while Manny’s bringing home a gazillion bucks, Gloria’s keeps on tucking away even more.

And Manny’s providing the best distraction on earth… but hey, cheers to the PacMan…

Catch you later…

RHYMES OF THE TIMES... (No.1)

Little Gloria

There’s a little girl named Gloria Arroyo,
The dirty president of the Philippine archipelago,
Who has the thickest face beyond belief,
Who uses her economic talents to become a thief.

Her government has been the country’s tragedy,
Where graft and corruption underscore every strategy,
And it seems as though her every official’s intention,
Is to indulge their lives at the cost of the nation.

From the policemen who live on every bribe,
To congressmen who’s greed no one can describe,
To generals who indulge in a luxury Russian tour,
While there’s not even enough rice to feed the poor.

We have undersecretaries who steal nine-figure sums,
Who shared it with the rich, not with the farmers and slums,
He went into hiding somewhere else and now he’s back,
But the government can’t even get the investigation on track.

There is a scandal in the government in every direction,
But they always promise to change when there’s an election,
Then they seem loud and active for a few precious days,
After which they all return to their greedy ways.

Now Gloria’s been such a pathetic sight to all,
As she tries to get Barack Obama for even a courtesy call,
And she’s been snubbed many times this past week alone,
The poor little bitch can’t see him or even get him on the phone.

Because it seems that the new president the U.S. elected,
Is a much more smarter man than we expected,
He probably knows the magnitude at which Gloria steals,
About all her corrupted ways, and her many shady deals.

We hope Gloria keeps stalking Barack, because it’ll really hurt,
For her to realize she’s being treated like nothing but dirt,
Maybe one day she’ll wake up and stop playing dumb,
And realize the joke of a president she’s already become.