Ten Reasons Why the COMELEC Will Finally Automate the 2010 Elections

Ten Reasons Why the COMELEC Will Finally Automate the 2010 Elections:

1. The COMELEC have found themselves a great computer programmer who can work out a “glitch” in the counting, which will no longer require the assistance of “Garci” to cheat.

2. They have probably concluded that with Item #1 (above) in place, they can turn election automation into a regular megazillion money-making scam, while giving Pinoys the illusion of a “better” system.

3. Automation in the election process will mean that President Arroyo, should she run again, will no longer have to make those incriminating “Hello, Garci” calls. Upon completion of the voting process, the machines will say the infamous GMA version of “I… AM… SORRY…”

4. They have already killed the ingenious programmer of the cheat system mentioned in Item #1 so he’ll shut the fuck up.

5. The system has been programmed to declare Gloria Macapagal Arroyo as the winner despite not being on the list of candidates.

6. The COMELEC has been taken over by Decepticons, and all those machines they are going to install will all turn into tiny robots who will hump Megan Fox’s leg, then proceed to take over the rest of Philippines.

7. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is Megatron in disguise.

8. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has been assimilated into the gigantific COMELEC computer mainframe, and will proceed to possess every Pinoy voter upon contact with the evil election machines.

9. Old politicos have finally begun to realize the power of computers after “forcing” themselves to review Hayden Kho’s sex scandal recordings.

10. All of the above will not happen, because “at the last minute,” they will “discover” a glitch that will require them to “overhaul” the system, and Pinoys will have to “wait for the next elections” until we can witness another show where they will pretend to finally automate the elections.

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'catch you later...

Movie Review: Transformers 2 (Revenge of the Fallen IQ...)

I saw Transformers 2. Wow. Whoopee.

And since it wasn’t a very articulate movie, I will instead enumerate my points as mechanically as the movie itself. Here goes…

1. Megan Fox is hot.
2. The plot is brainless. But hey, it’s a film by Michael Bay. A plot would be nice, but well-timed explosions are far more important than dialogue.
3. Having the supposedly “dead” protagonist come back to life in the arms of his hot, mouth-wateringly babelicious co-star has been done so often it felt like the movie’s “writers’” brains are/were on a protein shortage.
4. Megan Fox can have me anytime.
5. My head hurt from trying to distinguish all the robots from one another.

6. My head hurt from trying to understand what Megan Fox is doing among us mortals.
7. I thought I was going to see the Dinobots. Shit. No Dinobots.
8. Star Scream was reduced to a retard in this movie, just like everyone who saw it.
9. The panicky Latino sidekick/comic relief was pointless, useless, and was a total waste of time.
10. John Turturro’s underground lair was such a stupid story element.
11. Turturro’s ass cheeks were not even a story element. Absolutely no reason to be there.
12. Michael Bay is gay. For showing Turturro’s ass cheeks.
13. Megan Fox made me forget trying to look for a real story.
14. It’s only been three days and I already do not remember much more about the movie except that Megan Fox was hot.

15. Megan Fox is hot.

* * * * *

What by far more interesting than Transformers 2 was the absence of long lines at Robinson’s Galleria on a Sunday afternoon. And it’s even crazier to note that we saw this “phenomenon” merely half an hour after escaping the Transformers-seeking mob at Trinoma’s literally steaming-hot cinema level, where the airconditioning seems to have given trying…

I seriously can’t figure out what’s wrong with Robinson’s Galleria… (above, actual day photo...)

I assume that there should be a much more interesting plotline on that than Transformers 2.

‘catch you later…

yeah yeah... Jacko's a goner...

So it seems that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, affectionately a.k.a. “Wacko Jacko,” after a million nose jobs and bleaches, is dead.

Won’t drag this on too long since the entire web is overflowing with MJ stuff…

Only thing I feel like saying is that with his death, Jacko has effectively pushed away the tabloids for the last time, puts the entire circus known as the last ten years of his life behind him, and his musical legacy will be left to speak on his behalf.

"...in his dying, Michael Jackson may have just unwittingly written the biggest comeback he can ever stage..."

Did he still have music in him? I’d guess no less than a resounding “yes.” But the magnitude of his history bears its weight upon anything he does or tries to accomplish. And coupled with the unrelenting ghost of his own vanity, then it’s safe to say that anything Jacko does is condemned to be a disappointment from the start.

At this point, however, people will finally stop trying to anticipate the next way he will fail. They will instead gather up his body of work, take it for the musical greatest that is bears, and put Jacko in the pantheon of singular cultural icons and great musicians whose music will continue to sell for probably the next half-century at the very least.

Call it poetic justice, but in his dying, Michael Jackson may have just unwittingly (or knowingly?) written the biggest comeback he can ever stage. That supposed 50-date concert tour is nothing compared to what will begin to happen in the next few weeks.

'catch you later...

Happy Father's Day!

So it’s Father’s Day… ho hummm…

Whatever.

I must admit though, receiving Father’s Day greetings on my phone sort of makes me feel like someone who’s finally been let in in some kind of exclusive men’s club…

I’m waiting for the day Marge will greet me herself without my wife miming the greeting behind her in her best impression of a chipmunk. Heh heh…

Happy Father’s Day to all the fellow dads out there!

'catch you later...

Thanks to fellow sxc.hu contributor Vivek Chugh for the image.

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/992546

Stuff from Today...

Today...

- Dealing with a bunch of resignations. Nothing particularly extraordinary, but still has pinches of melancholy… particularly for one of them… but she’ll be back sooner or later… one way or another… took her 7 seven years, but she came back anyway… Hope the kid really gets better in a “mom-dammit-you-gotta-buy-me-my-optimus-prime” kind of way…

- Took me a couple of hours to do an ad lay-out I used to take half an hour to do way back when. Getting rusty… lots of typos on the ad… will fix it tomorrow...

- Almost shed a tear in today’s episode of “A Liter of Tears.” Did research/googling and got even more depressed about the story… Nice show...

- Taking me forever to finish a communication plan for a high-end brand that’s been with me for a decade… still not finished as of this writing…

- Still wondering whether or not Maja will approve my friend request on Facebook.

- Thinking it won’t happen. Still waiting for pigs to fly.

- Brought my friend/business partner back home to have dinner with the wifey. She made my favorite: Tinolang Manok… had two-day old cake from Bizu courtesy of a big wedding last Sunday… dammit… make that THREE-day old cake…

- Had fun with Marge. Walked her back and forth in the bedroom. I got tired… Really getting old…

- Made milkshake using leftover avocado ice cream… stomach grumbling….

- Still awake and writing this piece of crap…

- Thinking of writing a review of “Galaxy Express 999: Signature Edition”…

- Have other things to write about… but not tonight…

- Will try and fit a pig with wings and a jet pack, while refreshing my facebook homepage waiting for a friend approval...

’catch you later…

Whattawebsite...

Anyone who knows me well enough knows i'm a nostalgia freak.

And while surfing one of my favorite [unmentionable] sites, (which are unmentionable due to the fact I have a few wholesome readers here), I was pointed towards this nostalgia goldmine:

http://video48.blogspot.com/

Won't talk much about it, but if like me, you guys grew up in a simpler time in the Philippines when Metro Manila was considered one of the cosmopolitan cities in the continent... the Malacañang's San Miguel district was the Forbes Park of the day... SM was just a regular department store in Quiapo... Queen's was the largest supermarket chain... Alemar's was a major bookstore almost comparable to National... and Luneta was a world-class park where rich, poor and everyone in between hung out on any given day, and no one was afraid of getting mugged...

I do encourage you all to just click on the link above and enjoy.

'catch you later...

Movie Review: Night at the Museum 2 (Graveyard Shift)

Imagine a memory of a fantastic dish. It was light fare, not totally filling, but fulfilling. It was absolutely tasty, and all the ingredients were just right.

That’s how I felt about Ben Stiller’s first outing as the hapless night guard in “Night at the Museum.” And $574,480,000 in box office receipts indicated that I was not alone.

So naturally, I was totally stoked about the inevitable sequel.

But what happens when a perfect recipe of visual gags, subtle jokes, and Ben Stiller get overdone with too much and the whole dish becomes little more than a giant heap of bits and pieces?

Welcome to “Night at the Museum 2.”

"...As expected, the whole Smithsonian becomes an animated, overloaded theme park of special effects..."

This sequel, like most other sequels, was obviously an afterthought with the probable directions to make it “bigger,” “better,” and yes, “bigger-er.” And was there a bigger and more colorful museum than the bloody Smithsonian? So they got all the old guys back, tossed in more of Ben Stiller’s friends, and created this lazy excuse for a movie.

Here, Stiller has become a big TV shopping mogul, and has not visited his erstwhile inanimate wards at the Museum of Natural History. When he does go see them, they are apparently being readied to be packed up and stored away “forever” in the Smithsonian. Of course, we are to assume that Ben Stiller is unable to find himself some real human friends, and that his social life is limited to a bunch of old, none-moving museum displays brought to life at night by an Egyptian artifact. Not every different from someone’s horny grandfather with a Viagra stash on a Saturday night.

"...Of course, we did not buy tickets to “Museum 2” looking for a fucking plot..."

Ben Stiller then proceeds to break into the Smithsonian for the sake of making a movie, while totally insulting the intelligence of the movie audience, who they think is obsessed at simply seeing the special effects used to make museum pieces come to life. So many of Stiller’s precious museum piece friends are being moved to the Smithsonian, including the Egyptian tablet thingie that makes everyone come to life at night. As expected, the whole Smithsonian becomes an animated, overloaded theme park of special effects.

And that’s where the problem lay. There was too much going on, and the filmmakers tried too hard to squeeze in as much as they could, but it was just nigh impossible in a hundred minutes. So all the gags ended up being half-baked. Of course, we did not buy tickets to “Museum 2” looking for a fucking plot. But man, at least we wanted to decently entertained, right?

The cast looked like they really tried, especially Hank Azaria, whose entrance was easily the highlight of the film. Amy Adams probably thought she was still in a Disney film, considering how she’s overacting. Ben Stiller and Robin Williams are always a joy to watch no matter how dreadful a movie.

But still-er (bad pun intended)… I wish we didn’t trade the “Terminator” tickets for this piece of overdone crap. I am doing my best to honor the first movie’s fresh, innovative entertainment by doing yoga while convincing myself this sequel never happened.

‘catch you later…

Maja and Cling Wrap

Last I checked, the store still had a couple of those giant-sized rolls of cling wrap that we use to cover up furniture that's either been sold, or prepared for delivery…

I will need that cling wrap…

* * * * *

"...he must make sure that Her Petite-Perfectness was sitting in my chair when the whole thing happened..."

See, I was told by my brother that the oh-so-perfect-even-without-a-cleavage Maja Salvador is scheduled to do a motorcade in Northern Luzon this June, including Baguio City. This is part of her duties as endorser of “Sisters Feminine Pads.” My bro said that there was some possibility (or he can supposedly “ask” on my behalf), for [my] Maja to make a stop at our store.

Naturally, I couldn’t contain myself.

But there was always the possibility that I wasn’t going to be uptown when that happened. So I came up with a solution for me to somehow experience the “Maja-ness,” should I be in Manila/Maverick when the grand event happened.

Should the glorious arrival of the “somebody-please-pick-up-my-jaw-from-floor-and-reattach-it-just-because-i-imagined-seeing-her” Maja Salvador truly come to pass, I have asked my brother to invite Her Gorgeousness for a brief chat at our fifth floor office. But he must make sure that Her Petite-Perfectness was sitting in my chair when the whole thing happened (for at least five minutes).

Then the very second that Her Tiny-Goddess-ness stands up from my chair, we will have office staff quickly wrap up the chair with clingy wrap to lock in the “Maja-ness.”

Upon my return to the Baguio office, I shall ask for time alone, then proceed to slowly and ceremoniously unwrap my chair, and break down in tears of joy.

* * * * *
Please do not be afraid. As of the moment, this whole thing is merely imagined.

‘Catch you later.