Tuesday, September 21, 2010

TV Review: No Ordinary Family (Ordinary Story, Ordinary Show...)

I’m not a TV addict. In fact, i may have unknowingly spent days without turning the tube on. (oops, the term “tube” is soooooo 80’s! People are on LCD’s or LED’s now)

But there are a handful of shows one keeps track of and watches via his/her computer. This week, i thought i’d give a new TV series a try. The show was called “No Ordinary Family,” and in a nutshell, i suppose one can call it sort of a live-action version of “The Incredibles,” which was pretty much a 3D animation reimagining of “The Fantastic Four.”

chiklis is one cool sonuva-pitch
The show stars Michael Chiklis (of “The Shield”), Julie Benz (of “Dexter,” that i haven’t seen, but heard it's really cool), and a couple of other kids who are supposedly common faces on TV, if one bothers to notice these things or doesn’t have a job. They play a family who go on a stupid propeller plane vacation, which crashes into a river that gives them sooooper-powerz! How fucking original...

fast cars, faster woman...
The dysfunctional family’s growing into their powers makes them supposedly closer to one another. As Chiklis turns into a non-rocky version of the Fantastic Four’s “Thing,” Benz turns into a female flash, the daughter turns into a telepath with sex issues, and the retarded son turns into another retard not very different from Russell Crowe’s character in “A Beautiful Mind.”

she doesn't need to read his mind
to know he wants to get laid.
After fairly recent events that rocked my life, family is something precious to me. But sometimes it gets rubbed in my face a little too often in the pilot. I almost thought the writers were Swiss since the show had too much cheese.

i am now a SMART retard !
Effects are nice, but in this day and age, they’re nothing new. (I remember watching “Mutant X” just to see the effects and watch the pretty girls. “Heroes” was chock-full of special effects, but that show’s ultimate super power was making all the fans’ good will disappear so fast.) At least the family members look like they’re having fun with their newfound powers (for the most part), so it doesn't feel heavy-handed at all. I mean, i used to be very proud of the super power to wiggle my left ear independently from my forehead. I wasn’t bitching about being a freak.

If i sound unimpressed, it’s because i am. But i am not totally unhappy about it. In fact, the way it’s been set-up, the show has the potential to only get better. Let’s hope it does. I’m dying to fill that comic-book TV show void left by “Heroes.”

I will keep watching either until “No Ordinary Family” gets cancelled, or at least until they horribly screw it up by throwing in a time traveller, a precognizant painter, or a power mimic.

‘catch you later.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Movie Review: Despicable Me (The title was a dead give-away...)

Ran to the mall with the wife to catch the night’s screening of “Despicable Me” last Wednesday, after settling Marge at the house right after coming back down from the Boon Docks...

“Despicable Me,” stars the perfectly capable Steve Carrell as Dr Gru, a supervillain in need of a major caper, a shrink ray that’s made in China (most likely), and a bank loan from a place claiming to formerly be the Lehman Brothers. Dr. Gru, who employs one human inventor and a horde of yellow critters (referred to as “minions”) who look like Mike Wazowski’s dumber cousins, adopts orphans to help him pull a caper and end up getting his supervillain heart all gooey and totally melted by the adorable, one-dimensional 3D animated children.

And yes folks, save for a few obligatory kinks, that up there really is practically the entire plot...

We were amused, entertained, and humoured. But it didn’t break any new ground. And though it may have been done in 3D animation, i must say that i found Carrell much more animated back in “Date Night.”

And while i may not necessary see myself stumbling upon myself running to a cineplex to the sequel, i DO see myself buying a few of those cute yellow minions for me and Marge.

...and no, the wife will not want one. But yes, she did like the movie.

‘catch you later.

P.S. Am currently in Plantation Bay in Cebu. Here to attend the wedding of a friend in Marco Polo on Sunday. Body feels stiff and tired after Marge begged for repeated runs on one of the pool slides.
It's 2-fucking-AM and I'm sleepy, but cannot sleep.
There's a breakfast buffet that isn't included in the loser-ish deal the wife booked with the travel agency.
Not sure i'll be awake in time for it.
Am debating with myself whether or not to believe the book article that's brainwashing me to blow almost a couple of G's for a supposedly "addictive" massage tomorrow...

Monday, September 06, 2010

Musical "What-Ifs"

The universe is filled with “what-ifs.” Here are a few personal “what-ifs” on one of my personal favourite topics, pop music.

What if...

John Lennon & Yoko Ono
1. ...John Lennon wasn’t shot to death last 1980?
- He would have been a major presence of angst on Twitter. Ashton Kutcher would be eating his dust.
- He would probably be laughing at the many scandals of the Catholic Church.
- We would be subjected to dozens more “artsy” nude pictures of him and a wrinkly Yoko Ono.
- I will still be wearing circular-framed eye-glasses, and it will still be cool.

Mike "Bassman" McCary
2. ...Mike McCary rejoined Boyz II Men for the 20th Anniversary?
- The Boyz will still do live acapella numbers with a real bass singer, and not some overdubbed vocals.
- Big-voiced horny-dog monologues in the middle of songs will still rule over high-pitched pseudo-ghetto white boy whining.
- I will have more reason to boast that i was a bass singer in a choir back in college, and not get those blank “okay... okay...” looks from people when i say that.

Richard Page
3. ...Richard Page took on the TOTO gig?
- “Broken Wings” would have an edgier arrangement that would have made it more timeless and would still be on radio today, if only for Luke’s guitar.
- With all due respect to Luke, “I’ll be Over You” would have rocked all the more with Rich on vocals.
- The record label wouldn’t have tried shoehorning the bastard child of one of the Milli Vanilli guys and Jacko as their frontman (a.k.a. Jean Michel Byron).

Peter Cetera
4. ...Peter Cetera never left Chicago?
- We wouldn’t have to endure “Glory of Love” repeatedly for months on the radio back in 1986 since the other guys wouldn’t let him sing and play that mushy drivel.

- Peter may have balanced out the other guys and prevented the firing of Bill Champlin via email.
- Not firing Bill Champlin via email would’ve also meant Lou Pardini didn’t have to reduce himself and his awesome talents into a spare tire.

5. ...Andy Gibb didn’t die last 1988?
Andy Gibb
- The Bee Gees would be a quartet and still be making records right now since Andy might have brought Maurice to a better doctor what with Andy being a druggie and known more doctors.
- Disco would have been more drugged out since Andy will bring his drugged out fans into the Bee Gees audience.
- They would have a career resurgence in the nineties, and i would be so envious of their ridiculously exposed chest hair that i will find myself desperately shaving my sparsely-haired Asian chest and praying for a thicker regrowth.

6. ...Doug Hopkins wasn’t fired from the Gin Blossoms?
Doug Hopkins
- He may not have committed suicide, and fans like me would still be treated to melodic, depressing, alcohol-laced dirges with some of the smartest lyrics that ever got sung with electric guitars.
- I MIGHT consider branding gin as my poison of choice over vodka... but, probably not.
- They would still be soooo huge that they wouldn’t be playing in the Philippines this coming November, and fans like me wouldn’t have anything musically big to drool about.

7. ...what if i stopped this shit and went back to work...

‘catch you later.