Paranoia

Dear Universe,

It's been a while since i've written here, hasn't it?

So yes, Maddie's out. Marge now has a sister, and is showing so much love and affection that even her mother and i were more than pleasantly surprised.

Thank you, Lord. Another day, another blessing.

So many new things. Good things mostly. And this is where my paranoia tells me that there's always a relatively equal balance of both good and bad things happening more or less at the same time. The universe (yes, you) is not an unkind place, but it is not Paradise. Everything has a price somehow. At least that's what i've grown to believe in my almost forty years in this life of mine.

My slight addiction to slightly more colorful narratives makes days like these somewhat odd to me somehow. It's like when things seem so f*cking perfect, i find myself waiting for the stench of payback in the air.

And then i sometimes realize that perhaps i've paid forward.

That somehow God has already taken away much from me. And that my having dealt the funky way that i have with whatever i've lost or was never given is another thing i have to be thankful for. And with that thought, i sometimes tell myself that perhaps i should just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Jesus took THIS wheel, and the ride has been good and blessed.

Thanks. Seriously.

For Marge, for Maddie, for the wife, for the new house, for the fact that Maverick is finally seriously not bleeding, for my friends, for the family who has employed me without really gaining that much from it, for having two eyes to see, ears to hear, and a complete set of functioning appendages, for not having to worry about how the f*ck i'm going to pay for this hospital stay, the Blackberry kept intact with Scotch tape, and the freshly popped noodles the girls and i had for dinner, and even the warming light on top of Maddie right this very second.

Thanks.

J