Monday, July 13, 2009

Plane Thinking...


(The article below is meant for humor. I would like to ask that the people inferred by the stuff written to just… ride, laugh, and hopefully accept my advanced apologies…)


God bless Philippine Airlines.

I mean, we’re talking here about a company that provides pure, unconditional opportunity and employment.

Check this out…

Only in Philippine Airlines (a.k.a. PAL) did I ever see flight attendants that seemed older than the eff-ing planes. And we’re talking about some really old planes here.
And you think PAL’s cost-cutting? Bullshit. The airline is so kind they don’t seem to care about the cost of the extra fuel it probably takes to get those fat flight attendant asses off the goddamn runway and airborne.

I mean, they’re so wide, they can only deal with the passengers in first class. Screw the guys like us over at couch. Aisle’s too narrow anyways, right?

PAL is probably one of the few airlines who manage to get blimps INSIDE their planes. And said blimps get paid for that, too. And yes, in the “unlikely water landing” I’m sure those nice women will serve other purposes as well.

God Bless PAL.

* I would like to state on record that the sortuvakinduva-above-described flight attendants on the flight I took was were nice, friendly, and took care of us well.


Speaking of planes, I heard the pilot’s perfunctory “the fasten seatbelt sign is now off…” spiel, and immediately had a mental rush of the potential ridiculousness of the statement.

I can easily imagine an infinite list of ways to finish that phrase. The immediate ones include:

“…the fasten seatbelt sign in now off… we’re guessing you’ve likely been holding back your pee for the past ten minutes, have a leak in you diapers, or have already wet your seat.
Whichever way, now’s your chance to make a run for the bedroom to try and escape the embarrassment.”

Or perhaps this:

“…the fasten seatbelt sign is now off… so for those losers over in couch, you can now pretend to stand up get something out of the overhead bins, or wobble over to another row and pretend to greet people you pretend to know. All to stretch your sad legs, while pretending that the lack of leg and elbow room doesn’t bother the shit out of you…”

Another one could go like this:

“…the fasten seatbelt sign is now off… I’m saying that, because you idiots might be too stupid to notice those tiny lights had gone out. Now you losers in the aisle seats can finally have your revenge on the self-serving assholes who took the window seats! Stop them from getting out of the seat row to hit the john. Now’s your chance!”


You guys don’t want any more, do you?

‘catch you later…


P.S. For those who want a quick million, I suggest you guys fly over here to Jakarta with $100 in hand, and run straight to the money changer when you land…

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