Thursday, August 13, 2009

Letters to Prez Glow (#1) WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

Dear Prez-Glow...

How ya doin’ lately?

I assume that by this time, you’ve already managed to shit out the lobster and caviar you guys gorged upon in New York and Washington. I hope you had a bad bellyache, and i hope shitting all that out was painful.

As you know by now, your countrymen are up in arms after hearing about your lavishly extravagant dinners. We really should shut up about those things. After all, you may only seem human to a few, but you do have to eat, right? All this fuss really isn’t necessary, right? I mean, a congressman paid for one of those dinners, right? Not the government, right?

But wait... where did the congressman get the money? I’m sure he didn’t get it from the pork barrels, right? I mean, he wouldn’t dream of doing that, right? He must have other businesses that enabled him to afford blowing A MILLION PESOS ON ONE SINGLE DINNER, right? He will be audited for his expenses as congressman, right?

So it wasn’t you. You really shouldn’t get the blame.

I’m sure $500 for a bottle of wine is perfectly normal. After all, you are the PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY WITH TERRIBLY POOR PEOPLE, and all the helpless citizens DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN about you needing to eat... caviar.

I feel so sorry for you... NOT.

But see here... for the past couple or so years, you have been having a terrible PR nightmare. NOBODY LIKES YOU, UNLESS THEY ARE BENEFITTING FROM YOU IN VERY CORRUPT WAYS. And with many people suffering from an awful quality of living all over the country, how did you expect them to react after finding out about you blowing all that money on dinner alone?
Maybe you’re too busy to see the people who are passing the days and filling their sad bellies with rice topped off by salt, or those deceiving themselves that they are having a good meal with shitty stuff like UFC Sarsarap, which costs a mere five pesos per sachet. And yes, you are after all in the States WITH 65 PEOPLE IN YOUR ENTOURAGE. So all that money for dinner is justified, right? And yes, one MUST have lobster, caviar and $500per bottle wine. One cannot survive on a simple pork chop and coke. Or even a little barbequed spare rib... Lobster is a definite must. Yes, indeed.

Oh, and caviar. One must not forget the caviar. Definitely an indispensible part of a presidential diet.

But please remember that YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES. A country of poor people. Many of whom are hungry and cannot afford proper healthcare. At the very least, you must be more discreet about what you do. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES. THE PRESIDENT. An ELECTED president (supposedly). So whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you fucking wear, whatever you fucking spend, is everybody’s business.

You want privacy? Then just step down. Get out of Malacañang and stop beautifying the economy reports with some accounting magic, and look closer at your people.

At least I can rest easy knowing that if a dozen minimum wage workers don’t spend a single centavo, and put together the money they’ve earned for the entire year, they can finally afford the meals you spent for in the States.

Why must you bother with all the hard work in desperately trying to extend your term? Don’t you want to blow a million bucks for dinner in private?

Think about it.

I must end this first letter right now, because I must go enjoy my simple lunch of tofu, adobo, and sautéed string beans, while imagining how the tofu will miraculously transform into a lobster. Thank you.

Nagmamahal at nagpapaalam...

Death by Adobo

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