Friday, August 14, 2009

Letters to Prez Glow (#2) FLYING THE FIENDLY SKIES

Dear Prez-Glow...

Happy weekend to you po, Prez... do you any plans for tonight? Any million-Peso Saturday night parties you might be planning on throwing? In case you do, and you need more guests, please let me know. Out next door neighbour in Quezon City is a taco shell factory, and they have thousands of cockroaches who can keep you company.

You and them aren’t too different po, ma’am. Like you, they can survive anything, and still manage to multiply. I’m sure you guys can find a lot of things to chat about po.
But that’s not the real reason i write to you now.

I am writing to apologize for my previous letter, where I was shooting at you about those made-for-tv-news-dinners you had in the States. Seriously... to quote a little piece of shit with a mole on her face that i saw on TV around four years ago: “I... AM... SORRY...”

I am so fucking sorry, because the couple of million pesos you spent for your meals is fucking peanuts compared to the 1.6 billion peso over-expense you incurred with your foreign trips. A couple of million bucks is NOTHING. NOTHING, I tell you...

And even better, you got a lot of that from the National Contingency Fund. I’m sure that your foreign trips are a form of national emergency that needs a billion bucks worth of taxpayers’ money. I’m sure that your foreign trips are more important than putting up health centers in various depressed provinces, or subsidizing agriculture or various other industries, or some honest-to-goodness housing projects that don’t make houses big enough for a Doberman.
I’m sure you went abroad to build goodwill (to cover up all the shit you’re doing back home), and to woo investors into the country (so that you will have more cows to milk). It’s all for the good of the economy (especially your family’s private economy).

I therefore conclude that whoever came up with the initial P1.1 billion travel budget for you was an absolute idiot. And no, I will defend you tooth and nail if anyone says that you are a bigger idiot for approving that budget since it is painfully obvious that it wasn’t nearly enough.
I will defend you po. I will defend you like I do the cockroaches in our next door factory neighbour.

I will defend you, because I personally want you to have put aside enough money FROM THE GOVERNMENT, AND GOVERNMENT-RELATED SCAMS to have as many trips abroad as you want, that you may consider not coming back again. Ever.

And maybe you will love leaving the country so much that you will finally, really, truthfully, step down on 2010. I hear the weather in Africa is pretty warm. Please visit THAT place more often, since you will need to get used to the heat that you will eventually suffer in hell.

Again po, to quote the short, slimy character with the nasal voice AND A MOLE TO THE LEFT OF THE NOSE: “I... AM... SORRY...”

Nagmamahal at nagpapaalam...

Death by Adobo

No comments: