if I had a gun...

Last March 25, 2010, i had a bit of an accident.

After what had been a nice long night, it had been a long and unnecessarily stressful day, and i was driving home... Suddenly dozed off, and let go of the brake pedal. The vehicle was automatic, so without the brakes, it slid forward and kissed the ass of the Honda Jazz right in front me.

As expected, the driver and his female companion unboarded their car, and proceeded to vent their understandably righteous fury at yours truly. Then all hell broke loose...

Below is a letter i would imaginarily send Mr. Raffy (the aggrieved driver's name as i was to learn) after all the adrenaline has stopped crash-cading through my jugulars, and my voice stops sounding like bryan adams after he swallows 10 feet of sandpaper from yelling at Mr. Raffy’s sad, fat ass...

____________________________________________

Dear Mr. Raffy...

When i hit your car, i immediately went down to offer my apologies, as well as discuss the settlement of damages. You started by screaming "punyeta" the moment you stepped out your car, but i more than understood. When you started loudly grumbling about how well cared-for your car was, i looked at your gleaming Jazz and had to concur. When you declared that i had no right to be on the road if i really was that tired, i repeated my apology.

Then a woman whose face had sharper corners than a triangle, pop-out eyes, and a voice that could shatter tempered glass came out of the passenger side and started screaming a lot of obvious things that were pointless, since I wasn’t arguing whether or not I was at fault. And probably because she was your wife, you joined her in screaming more obviousness.

I DIDN’T DENY IT WAS MY FAULT, DAMMIT. PLEASE STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING.

I asked that we pull over and discuss compensation, but your wife still kept shouting. So I did the next best thing. I screamed the fuck back at you and the woman, who you just said was your wife. Now I REALLY feel so sorry for you, man.

NOW PLEASE STOP THE FUCKING SCREAMING.

IF I HAD A GUN, I would have pulled it out just to make your stupid screaming wife piss in her pants and scuttle back into your newly dented Honda Jazz praying that the crazy man screaming back at her and pointing a gun would again ask to peacefully pull over and talk about it. AND YOUR STUPID WIFE WOULD WISH SHE NEVER GOT OUT OF THE CAR AND STARTED SCREAMING AT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The MMDA finally come over and tell you guys the obvious. That we have to take photos (which you guys already did), pull over and talk about it. I said that’s exactly what I’ve been asking you guys to do, BUT YOU IDIOTS WOULDN’T STOP SCREAMING.

When we hit the precinct, we were asked if we wanted to discuss settlement on our own. You guys said yes. Which was what we could have done IF YOU GUYS CHOSE THAT OVER SCREAMING AT ME over an hour ago.

Your wife stated that your vehicle was maintained at a Honda shop. Err… news for you, buddy… I just checked the Honda dealerships. THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY SERVICE RECORD OF YOU, YOUR CAR, OR YOUR LOUD STUPID WIFE.

But by the time I post this, I’d have already sent the check over to Honda Cars Pasig, and a nice gentleman by the name of Glen Bellosillo will already have your receipts in his possession. Said gentleman will then be waiting for you to bring your car over to finally get it fixed, AND YOU WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE TOLD YOUR WIFE TO LEARN TO NOT SCREAM AT STRANGERS.

Who knows? Said stranger might have a gun and point it at her just to shut her up.

Amen.

‘catch you later… NOT.