Not a Movie Review: Due Date (Dear Bob...)

Dear Bob,

I just want you to know that i saw “Due Date” a few weeks ago and had a decently enjoyable time. Zach “I’m-capitalizing-on-my-Jack-Black-resemblance” Galifianakis was okay, but he was seriously outclassed by you and your greatness. He had no right to be on the same goddamn screen with you, Bob.

But enough about him. Let’s talk about you. Yes, Bob. You.

Some people say he “outshone” you. The nerve. But that’s okay, Bob. This was YOUR movie, Bob. YOU are “Iron Man,” YOU are “Charlie Chaplin” personified, YOU are Rob Downey, Jr. So it’s perfectly okay if you want to make a stupid road trip movie that has no reason to exist other than to give some work to Zach (a.k.a. “Jack Black Lite”), heaven knows you don’t need the money right now.

In “Due Date,” you played Tony Stark who was a bit settled down and is expecting his first child. Also, in this movie, Tony Stark did not have his armor readily available. Otherwise, he would given Zach a nudge off with a repulsor ray and proceeded to the “Avengers” movie.

I’m waiting for the “Avengers” movie, Bob.

My wife is waiting for the “Avengers” movie. She just doesn’t know it yet. Do you have a young son? Perhaps a little boy? Less than ten years old, perhaps? Someone I might want my daughter to date?

Lemme know, Bob. Lemme know.

‘catch you later.