Things I would have tweeted while in China...

All these railings and bannisters
in the Forbidden City are made
purely of marble.
So if you're wondering
where we Chinese lost ours,
you know where to look.

Things I would have tweeted while we were in China last May:

• it's amazing how most buildings in Beijing are covered in tiles. So I assume the pervading bathroom-like smell is psychological.
• but despite having made most of their city look like a bathroom, why do way too many mainlanders smell like they haven't bathed in days?
• sandstorm from the gobi desert. Can't see a single cloud. I think the pollution is deliberately made by the communist government to prevent people from seeing silver linings.
• I'm also guessing that the gobi sandstorms caused the mainlanders to evolve chinky eyes.
• the tour guide just pointed out the main government building to our left. Looks like a Buddhist temple.
• It costs 200k rmb fine for an additional kid due to the one-child policy. Abortion is cheaper and probably more legal.
• Walking around Tiananmen square. Hope no one starts a revolt or we get gunned down.
• Why hordes are lining up to hang out at place where the people got slaughtered is beyond me.

  tiannanmen square

  
• warming up in the van after trekking through a small section of the Great Wall. Damn freezing without a jacket, but the sheer scale is awesome. This is one of those few times that i can honestly say that the postcards totally understated the real thing.

•  i have officially experienced and therefore confirm that facebook, twitter and youtube are inaccesible in Mainland China. Mark Zuckerberg can now lay claim to having the dictators of 1.6 billion people officially afraid of him.
 

the fatter guy on the plane

• flying out of Beijing. Cant... Move... Arms... Damn... Obese... Guy... At... Left... Of... Plane... Seat... But if the plane crashes, you will save me, because you are soft and large and will weather any impact. But you stink.
• finally in Hong Kong again. Can't make snide remarks in Tagalog on ugly and fat people. You'll never know if they're Filipino. Too many Filipinos. 

China entry officially over.

Pink Floyd's got nothing on THIS wall.

 'catch you later.