Movie Review: The Expendables (Everything's expendable... even the plot)

It was a movie that made me feel so “man” for seeing it, but so “un-man” for being a teeny weeny Asian imagining myself in a losing brawl with Dolph Lungdren.

Considering the physical shape the guys in the movie were in, I was almost tempted to believe much of the movie was CGI... i mean, many of their biceps were gigantic enough to be considered separate cast members.

Of course, i didn’t go there looking for a plot, and the wifey was resigned to the fact that the flick was going to be just another adrenaline ride, and just a wee bit more hearing damage.

Jason Statham totally owned the movie, Sly Stallone was just really having fun with it (even bringing in his Planet Hollywood buddies, Bruce Willis and Ah-nuld the Governator for cameos that did nothing for the story. Waitaminit... there was no story to begin with anyways... but i digress...), Mickey Rourke mistakenly thought he was expected to do some serious acting, Jet Li’s script was probably written by Russell Peters, or some other racist a-hole, and everyone else probably did acting workshops in the gym with dumbbells. Operative word being “dumb.”

But yes, i totally enjoyed the ride, and i’d come back for a sequel. Oh, and so should Van Damme.

‘catch you later.